TOUGH! :(

hello stranger!

today i just want to share what's on my mind bcs i really down feeling like this.

first of all, you guys should know that my family have a really bad economy condition. i know this kind of condition feel so usual in life :(

yes since i graduated from elementary school my life go down and down til now. i don't know what's really wrong about this life, i am hoping so much that my life will be back to where it was. but, it;s just a kind of dream that i don't even know will it be happen or not.

i'm just give up, tired of being like this, tired of being so "economical person", tired of everything in my life. i'm kinda wanna skip this until i have to go to work, bcs basically i'm just graduated from my first college.

it's not gonna be so hard if i'm not the first child in my family. i have 2 little brother and sister that i should think about. my parent have no job for sure, my neighborhood or big family don't even know that we really in this kind of situation bcs my mom said that Allah has risen up our face to public, so they don't think that we are kind of poor like this :(

since then, my mom always worried about our economic, it always about "will we survived?" "from who our family can face this life?" "we should think twice or maybe hundread time to buy something that we really need" "only miracle from god that can save us alive".

i am so much worried about that too, i am overthinking about what my mom said to me, about everything that happen in this family bcs i'm the first child that will be responsible to my brother and sister. but i can't make any differences bcs i have no job.

i'm tired of being like this, i'm tired of overthinking something, and so on. the point is, i have a boyfriend that will always listen every complain and teardrop in this life. but, i realize that he will not make any difference, i realize that i just ruin him every single day. i love him, i want to make him happy, i can't pushing back and forth for no reason to him, he deserves more to be happy bcs he's a kind man. but it so hard not to ruin him, so hard not to tell him what happen to me or my feeling, i'm so sorry :( i'll try my best to control my feeling dit, i'm so sorry you shouldn't hear the story of my life bcs it's too bitter :(

anyway i want to say HAPPY 34TH MONTHVERSARY dit, may the happiness come to us and always there for us :) i know you wouldn't read this till you suddenly remember that i have a blog hehe :)

P.S. : so sorry for a bad english, i'm just trying and still learn to improve my english :)

have a nice day everyone!